In The Psychopath Code, there is a description of what is commonly described as “the cycle of abuse”. It goes something like this:

  1. Two people are in a relationship. The relationships is in a steady state.
  2. The psychopath destabilizes the relationship.
  3. At this point one of two things could happen: a. The victim fixes the relationship. This causes the victim to like the psychopath more. b. The victim refuses to fix the relationship. The psychopath then fixes the relationship in an effort to keep the relationship alive.

I’ve purposefully tried to keep out the how from this description, because the how changes. Sometimes it’s bullying and trying to get their way. Sometimes it’s just creating a problem. Sometimes it’s self harm.

The resource extraction part could be in either part of the cycle as well. It could be that the psychopath is a straight up theif. It could be that they practice self-harm and demand as part of you taking care of them to get them things they want.

The important thing to understand is that one side is actively doing the destabilizing and one side is doing all of the patching up. One side is doing the taking and the other side is doing all the giving.